I have a hard time with the fact that they call it "looting" when people are going into ruined buildings and searching for food and water.
I had two cookies in my hand last night, my son only one, and he protested. "It's not fair!" I almost choked, thinking about the folks in Port-au-Prince. I almost launched about how lucky he was to have a cookie at all. But I don't think that would have led to a productive conversation.
He's six, and I'm talking to him a little bit about the earthquake and the fact that many people are hurt, or their homes have been damaged. But I'm shielding him from images and words about the situation. (No TV or radio in the house, so it's a matter of making sure he's not reading over my shoulder as I read about the tragedy on line.)
Any parents, or other opinionated people, out there? How do you talk to a kid about a tragedy like this?
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For my kids, it was the Oklahoma City bombing that was in the news over and over! The decision to or not to expose them is similar to what you are debating in your home. My oldest was 7 and the twins were 5.
ReplyDeleteWe had a tv back then but with very limited viewing and rabbit ears only! :) I had a friend call me and tell me we 'needed' to turn on the tv! I was guarded to say the least! If I am remembering correctly, I did briefly turn the television on. As it would be, it was information overload and my oldest son had nightmares. He didn't see much, but human tragedy for the sensitive, is difficult at best to understand as an adult.
You know your son best.... Is he in any environments that he will find out about the earthquakes from another source? Is he a sensitive child that would be overwhelmed by what is going on?
Heidi, personally, if I could go back in time... I would not have turned on the tv. I would have waited it out and told them a minimal amount and answered their questions. Sometimes the images are just too much... and giving them a verbal explanation will protect them from having those pictures in their heads.
Just my own 2 cents plus a nickel!
Melanie
Thanks, Melanie. We don't have TV or radio in the house, and we're careful about radio in the car, so the concern is about how much we tell him, but also about what he might hear from the other kids at school. In any case it sounds from your experience like we're doing the right thing by shielding him as much as possible, so we'll keep on with that for now. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI've not made a point of showing my son stuff, but neither will I shield him (though I might be selective about images)--Haitian kids did not get the privilege of being shielded from the actual experience. What I can do is hold a space for him to feel his feelings about what's happened, and help give him a context for it. On a personal level, I remember when my dog Winky got hit by a car--I was 3 or 4, I think. I could feel how I was being shielded from seeing her body. I didn't like it at all--I wanted to know what was going on. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with death--in so much of the world, kids see it all the time. It's how we deal with it that will most determine kids' experience. Same with sex, and other charged issues.
ReplyDeleteOn a social level, I truly think not dealing with power differentials head-on has contributed to a mass neurosis, most poignantly among white people. So few of us can talk openly and insightfully about it. More openness and education early on could turn this around.
I appreciate that you're trying to teach your son about reality using age appropriate methods. I myself have always felt it important not to shelter children from the realities of life but to buffer the harshness of those realities and to introduce it by educating them at the appropriate time in age appropriate doses. When my older children were young I ran across a book entitled, Teaching Your Kids To Care, by Deborah Spaide. Thought you might find the book interesting.
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