On Not Shopping

Having decided not to shop has cleared out a lot of space in my head. 

Walking down 23rd Street, I pass American Apparel, where they're advertising an end-of-season sale, and I don't have to think about whether I should go in and buy myself a new pair of leggings, because I've decided to live without new leggings indefinitely.

I pass Straight from the Crate, and I think briefly about salad plates and throw pillows, but then I remember I'm not shopping, and that's the end of that.  It's a real relief, actually, to just let go of the idea that maybe I should be thinking about what purchases might "improve" my living space.

I get an email message from Banana Republic advertising a sale, and think about clicking through to the web site to browse, and then remember again that I'm not shopping, and so I don't end up spending half an hour browsing recent sale items wondering what I should add to my work wardrobe.

I had no idea how tense the idea of shopping, and the anxiety about spending money linked up with the idea that shopping is supposed to make me better looking and my home more welcoming, was getting me until I just --- stopped.

Wow.